I am sitting at dinner with researchers. To my right, a professor who collaborates with all of us to some extent. To his right, a guy from Northern Germany. Across from us, three Japanese men. Our host is from Eastern Europe. "I quite enjoy working with Japanese people," says the professor. 'In the future, I'm envisioning collaborating only with Japanese and Bavarian scientists."

I am having coffee with colleagues. "I always look at people's A levels before I hire them. I don't trust people with poor A levels to become researchers," says one of them. I slowly sip up my coffee, wondering whether I should remind him that my A levels were piss poor (but better than those of at least one of his students).

I am drinking beer with people from the department. "It's a pity most of the new female PhD students are so ugly," says one of them. "Although pretty girls have it so easy, everything falling in their open arms... until they turn 30," he adds while I choke on my Beck's. "Do you mean I'm ugly or do you mean I don't deserve being where I am?" I ask. He laughs it away. (But of course, this is an isolated incident and us women and feminists are getting our collective panties in a hysterical bunch over absolutely nothing instead of worrying about serious things such as war rape and world hunger.)

This thing you do, with your brain, that supposedly got you to where you are right now, a respected member of the scientific community, with a truckload of prestigious degrees and insightful publications to back you up? Would you really mind applying it to everyday conversation as well? Or is empathy so completely out of your range of skills that there's no hope you'll ever realize you're being offensive?

1. Turn the beeping sounds of your camera off. It's useless, it's annoying (especially when there are thirty beeping cameras in the same touristic place), and it's a dead give away when you try to take pictures in places where it's forbidden.

2. You have two hands (generally). Hold the camera with both hands. It's amazing how much more stable it is.

3. You might not be aware of it, but your compact digital camera has an autofocus. Press half-way to focus, then all the way to take the picture.

4. Learn when you might need your flash and when there's no chance in hell it's useful. Of course you run out of battery, you've spend the entire day shooting at faraway landscapes with the flash on.

5. If you've failed to apply points 2 and 3, please refrain from uploading a bash of 170 mostly blurry and out-of-focus pictures to Facebook.

6. No, I don't want you to take a blurry, out-of-focus picture of me in front of the breath-taking landscape / historical monument. On the other hand, it would be great if you could get out of the way so that I can try to make a decent picture out of it.

This post was brought to you by repeated and close proximity with people who don't seem to be able to know whether their camera is up or down, and the misplaced sense of superiority I derive from having a vague idea of what ISO is.

I just saw a brand new Facebook group named "I want to graduate", described as "for all the phd students who want to graduate".

I am dumbstruck. What, we want to graduate, now? I thought the whole point was to remain an underpaid, unrecognized, lowly student forever, and ever, and ever? Who on Earth starts an educational program with in mind the idea of graduating from it? I thought graduating was a punishment!

Next thing you know, someone will create a Facebook cause out of that. And maybe even a political movement! Let students graduate! That's actually what they want!

Yes, I know that 97.3% of all Facebook groups are utterly pointless, and meant for people to shout their oh so controversial views (such as, enjoying baths, liking naps better than work, disliking war and hunger and world poverty, finding kitties super duper cute, hating mean customers, etc.) to the world.

Yes, I know I'm ranting a lot at Facebook these days, probably because (a) I've recently added a lot of people I need to be able to contact although they're never going to be friends and I can't hide updates about their activities fast enough and (b) I'm tired of wondering, each time I upload a picture or write a few words on their website, to whom they're planning to sell it.

Yes, I'm probably irritated beyond any reasonable measure.

But seriously, there's no fucking point. Graduate students want to graduate! Hold the presses! Call the President! It's not informative, it's not witty, it's not even remotely amusing, it's just polluting my time line and proving that if I ruled the world you who joined that group, and especially you, who created it, would never, ever deserve to be called a Doctor of Philosophy (from, you know, philo, loving, and sophia, wisdom).

Also, it's spelled "PhD", doofus.

Of Fathers

"I got emancipated from my father as soon as it was legally possible," the young woman said. "And then I was mostly raised by nannies, until my deeply religious, conservative, anti-feminist mother decided it was time she took care of me. I might have preferred living with my father."

The two other women nodded in silence.

"I seem to see so many happy families around me," she added, "and then I wonder, is it really possible?"

"We had a happy family," one of her friends replied. "And then my mother died."

"Oh, we had a happy family as well," the third woman added after a pause. "And then we found out my father had had a second family on the side for fifteen years. And he liked them better."

The young man with them put his glass down.

"Oh, wow."

I know. Most (probably all) families are fucked up one way or another. See for example over there.