How I spent the last three hours of my dissertation writing ordeal
12:01 — receive email from labmate with missing numbers ("can you get them before noon?" I had asked);
12:02 — include numbers in dissertation;
12:30 — frantically rewrite sentences that don't go well with numbers;
12:45 — ask labmate whether I am right to interpret things a certain way;
01:15 — get answer from labmate who was under the shower (the nerve!);
01:30 — add one last sentence;
01:31 — rephrase said sentence;
01:33 — fix spelling of said sentence;
01:35 — fix spelling of said sentence;
01:37 — fix spelling of said sentence;
01:41 — scroll down the entire document one last time;
01:45 — email the 4.7 MB file to committee, reminding them the date, time, and place of the final defense, and offering to print hard copies for them;
01:46 — receive email from first committee member aski;ng for a hard copy;
01:47 — start printing;
01:50 — receive email from second committee member asking for a hard copy;
02:00 — try to put the first sheet ink down, head towards me in the printer to print the second page at its back;
02:01 — reprint first page, put it back in the printer ink up, head towards me, print second page;
02:03 — put all the remaining pages in the printer ink up, head towards me, and hold my breath;
02:10 — fix a paper jam;
02:15 — keep fixing paper jam;
02:20 — remove ink from face; cross fingers that it doesn't jam again;
02:25 — start sweating when the printer complains the toner is low;
02:40 — hunt down the stapler;
02:45 — find the stapler in the conference room; do not ask questions;
02:50 — drop off first copy in the mailbox of committee member 1;
02:55 — knock at the office door of committee member 2 (who turned out to be on the phone... sorry);
03:00 — collapse in chair;
03:05 — remember there's a yogurt belonging to me in the fridge; eat it for lunch.

How to poorly deal with frustration

• comfort eating
• liters of tea
• screaming at people
• screaming alone in your empty apartment
• channeling your inner tired 3-year-old, crying several times a day about nothing
• meeting people for dancing and spend most of the time moaning about how much you hate your dissertation rather than on the dance floor
• planning to meet friends to chill out and cancel at the last minute because (1) you hate people (2) you cannot possibly leave your dissertation for an hour or two

How to really deal with frustration
Finish the dissertation already and hand the wretched thing in.

Oh come on
I've been here almost five years (to a week, actually) and I still cannot believe America calls its toilets "restrooms" and its toilet paper "bath tissue". True story: the first time someone asked me if I knew where the restroom was, I thought he was asking about a restaurant (and not pronouncing the final t for some reason). Also, in almost five years, I don't think I've heard an American use the word "pee" (nor, obviously, "piss"). It's always "take a leak" for the verb and the noun is not mentioned. From guys who use expressions such as "motherfucking son of a bitch" on a daily basis. Women, obviously, never use the toilet, so I have no idea how they talk about it.

Makes sense
As I was lying on the floor earlier on realigning my back, my eyes kept reverting to the advertisement for Belvedere vodka at the back of a magazine. If I understand it correctly, the message is that "Belvedere" looks almost like "Believe", if you sneak in "ie" in there and pretend to forget about "dere". Hmm, sure. Reminds me of the guy who told me I looked like Carmen Sandiego (I was wearing red, including a red fedora) and was amazed that my name sounded so much like "Carmen". Well, sure, if you remove the final n and replace the "arm" with "hlo". Totally the same thing. I wonder what he was drinking...